I don't know if I am just unusually focused on it, or if more people are saying it, but over the last few weeks, I have noticed a lot of people saying that they don't know how we do all this. Maybe it is because I use this blog as a giant brain dump and people can't follow all my babbling :) Whatever the reason, I always struggle to respond to that comment. I never know quite what to say. I usually end up saying something like "what choice do we have" ... which is true, but always comes off too casual.
I just don't know how to explain this experience. There are days that it sucks so badly that I can't do anything but sit on the floor of the shower and sob. But there are other days that are so absolutely ordinary that I do forget that Kurt has cancer. There are days where neither one of us has the strength to get out of bed, and other days where we can't stop marveling at all the blessings in our life.
The bottom line, I guess, is that everything we do is designed to crowd out cancer. Kurt works, we travel, we strive for as much normalcy as possible just to live. Every day, we live so that cancer knows it has no home here. Today, Kurt is in Denver for a work trip. He gets home in a couple of hours, and I will pick him up at the airport and take him straight to chemo. It will be a hurried and busy day, just like our lives often are. Necessary? No, of course not. But that is often how we lived before cancer and it is how we live now. It is part of the strategy to win. Sure, there are days that are anything but normal, but Kurt is steadfastly refusing to let cancer steal his days and I couldn't be prouder of him.
My favorite, favorite Scripture passage through all of this is Deuteronomy 30:19 -
I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing;
Therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live
That's the mantra, every day -- Choose life. I am becoming increasingly convinced through this cancer journey that the disease beats you first in your mind, then in your body. Kurt may not be physically able right now to do everything he did before cancer, but his mind is 100% set on winning, and that is key.
So that is a really long answer to the question of how we do it, and what I mean when I say "what choice do we have?" In other news, health care reform is starting to unravel (yay!) and a dear friend got Kurt and I tickets to watch the Capitol Fourth concert, so I got to see Barry live and in person at the big show. So awesome!! No news yet from University of Maryland on possible treatment options -- patience may yet become one of my virtues....
More later when Kurt is back in town!
6 comments:
this is a very eloquent "brain dump" jen. really really wonderfully put.
When you and Kurt came out last October, the words "choose life" just jumped out of that scripture to me. That's why they are permanantly above my front door, and other places I see every day. Choose Life. You are awesome, Jennifer, and I thank God every day that you are Kurt's wife and number one advocate, nuturer, coach, trainer, teacher, and best friend.
lotsalove,
kim
Yes yes yes.
Remember what God said, marveling over his own creation when they built the tower of Babel, "nothing they conceive will be impossible to them."
The battle is truly in the mind.
Kurt IS healed. satan is trying to convince him he is not, using the physical realm to do so. As long as Kurt agrees with the Word of God, he will win.
Abraham did not look at his age, or Sarah's, but God's Word.
Shadrach and crew did not look at the fiery furnace, but God's
Word.
David did not look at Goliath, but God's Word.
Moses did not look at the Red Sea and Pharoah's army, but God's Word.
We do not look at the cancer, but at God's Word.
kfa
jen, thanks for your brain dumps. it's hard enough being so far apart, and the effort that you both put forth in keeping the blog updated is so helpful to everyone. i guess i should speak for myself. it's helpful for me, and thank you so much.
CHOOSE LIFE.
Jenn - - you put it in a way most of us could not. Thanks for that. It is so great that you and Kurt do know that you do what you can and must and that you can and must trust that you will get thru this. The single set uf "foot prints" in the sand is God carrying you both... Love and hugs. Grannie Channie & Grandpa Vic
Hi Guys
Diane (Owen) and I just want you to know that we are so proud of you. God is amazing!!! We watched a testimony of Ian McCormack on Youtube together the other day. It reveals the resurrecting power of God and gives sooooo much hope to all of us! If you get a chance, check it out! We promise you'll be encouraged by it. We love you and continue to send up prayers on your behalf!!!!
Post a Comment